Can a Person Really Change for the Better?

An introspective on changing oneself and staying changed.

I’d like to begin this article with one of my favorite quotes of all time, “When a man is trying to change for the better, the worst thing you could do is keep reminding him of his past.”

I don’t know who originally said it, but I do know it is true. To answer the question, yes, I do believe a man can change himself unrecognizably from his past self. It happens all the time.  As far as better, it really depends on the goals of the person in question. See, that is the secret sauce that makes someone change. The person’s ideals, goals, and desires. See, in order for a person to change, they have to WANT to change. They have to set the habit, and in order to evolve for the better… They have to decide what “better” means for them.

You can’t change someone else by force or desire. It just doesn’t work that way. Wanting someone to be “better” at something simply isn’t enough. You have to find a way to help that person see a better way and want it for themselves. Don’t get me wrong, an environment has a strong say in the shaping of a person, but that is because of the choices they are making.

I, for one, used to be an incredibly selfish person and an even bigger liar. I didn’t want to be that way, but it’s what came naturally. Luckily for me, I gravitated toward people who represented the ideals I kept close to my heart. These people would make the traits about myself I deemed bad uncomfortable, which chipped away at the habit of enforcing them. At the same time, they would naturally positively award the behaviors I idolized by simply being happy with them. After a long period of time hammering out my chosen flaws and enforcing my wishes, I began to change as a person.

Now, I find it hard to get in the headspace I once found on the daily. I’m not angry all the time nor confused, and I have a positive outlook on life. I value honesty and seek it out from those around me, and I prefer to work as a team, instead of by myself. However, going back to my first quote, I find when I spend time with people who are uncomfortable with the truth and are selfish in their nature… I revert. Those long-buried tendencies raise to the surface, and while I know to fight them back, I know prolonged exposure could have negative effects on the person I am now. The person I prefer to be.

To wrap it all up, a person can definitely change over time, as long as they want to change. As long as they make choices which lead them down that path. Sometimes, it is harder than it should be, but don’t let that scare you. Let being someone you don’t like scare you. It certainly would scare me.

Shadow

How can you not see your shadow
Stretching larger than life
Sunny as the day may be?

It’s a constant reminder
Of who you once were
Lurking just past the light

You’re not supposed to look
But you do
Because it’s there
It’s always there

And even at night
When the darkness encompasses everything
Even when you can’t see it
You know

It’s there, waiting
For the light to return
So it can remind you
That you’ll never be too far
From the person you once were