Finding Joy in Someone Else’s Failure

How is it possible someone can find joy in other people’s pain?

It is a question that pops into the mind of any socially conscious person at one point or another. A quandary that plagues generally caring individuals and taints their perspective on humanity as a whole. Well, I’d like to try and take a stab at explaining it in as simple terms as possible, while doing my best to avoid or breakdown any labels. I generally dislike nomenclature. I understand it helps convey a large amount of information quickly, but it also paints connotative pictures I find hard to break down. Anyhow, here goes my explanation.

I used to describe myself as “evil” as I was exactly the kind of person who could take pleasure in someone else’s pain, but as I grew to understand myself and the world better, I evolved into a very different person. Why? Because I was paying attention. Before I would laugh at someone’s pain or take enjoyment in their failure because my view of the situation was completely surface level. I saw their failure and pain and with no understanding of all the little details that added up to it.

Once I matured and came to understand, truly understand, their trials and tribulations, the joy I felt was replaced by Sympathy. When you walk in someone else’s shoes and truly digest what they’re going through, you begin to relate. Then you empathize. Then it becomes a habit. Instead of viewing every situation through a foggy glass, every situation starts out foggy, but you wipe until it gets clearer and clearer.

Example. You watch a wealthily dressed man miss a step and fall face down into the mud, after rushing rudely to get past you on the sidewalk. Some people would immediately go to a “Serves you right” place, while someone who has practiced their active empathizing will start to digest the situation. They remind themselves that they don’t know why the person was rushing in the first place. Maybe they had received bad news or didn’t realize the rudeness they had conveyed. They remind themselves that this person may have hurt themselves, may be embarrassed and anxious. Even if the person shoots dirty looks around, they may have been hurt by people’s reactions before. Even simple things, like worrying whether or not their outfit had come from a loved one, comes to mind.

In short, It is my theory that most people who revel in someone’s pain are doing so for one of two likely reasons. One, because they just aren’t looking beyond the surface level thoughts. Two, because that person had caused them pain and it made them not want to look beyond the surface level thoughts. Truly, I believe we should try to avoid the habit of taking joy in someone’s failure, but it is a process and ironically, we’re not always going to succeed in it. Frankly, we might not always try, but if we keep these thoughts in the back of our minds, hopefully, we can succeed the majority of the time.

So, that is my two cents on the topic. If you found it helpful, I suggest some similar articles like “Stop Creating your Own Hell” and “Moderation in a World of Polarization”. If not, well, try not to take too much joy in my failure.