Respect Has to Be Earned

A Full Breakdown on The Concept of Respect

If I ask you why you follow someone blindly, why you believe in them, and why you do what they ask without question, the reason would likely be because you respect them. Respect is a valuable, delicate hypothetical item. It’s something we hold dear. Part of what makes is so valuable and fragile is because it must be earned over an extended period of time with trust and experience. And that’s just it. Respect has to be earned. It can’t be ordered into existence, and it most certainly can’t be demanded. But what exactly does this mean?

Let’s break it down. When you have someone that you respect, in this case, let’s say it’s a boss, think about their traits. You feel this way about them, so you want to follow them. This likely makes them a good leader. I bet they listen to you. I bet they give valuable advice or notes. They’re likely an expert in their field. Maybe they worked hard to get where they are and that’s why you respect them? There are many reasons why, but if you do, it means that they have earned this from you over an extended period of time. You’ve watched them work and interact with you, and it has inspired you enough to give them this gift.

What about a boss you didn’t respect? It’s likely they aren’t good at their craft. Perhaps, they don’t work and expect others to work for them. Maybe, they’ve even demanded that you respect them or used the phrase, “You have to respect me because…” Maybe they’ve said something like, “Well, you work for me, so you have to side with me.” I don’t think I have to tell you that these are big red flags.

When someone has to demand respect from you, I think I can go out on a ledge here and say that they will never receive it. Any time someone has told me that I must respect them, it’s gotten the exact opposite reaction out of me. You can’t demand it. Respect comes with trust and care. It gets slowly and delicately built over a period working side by side with someone and valuing what you see out of them. Someone’s actions can warrant respect from you, and the more they show these valuable traits, the more you may respect them. However, since respect is so delicate, it can easily be shattered, too. And a sure-fire way to ensure you’ll never get it from anyone is to demand it.

After all, you can’t tell someone how to feel. You can’t make someone feel a certain way. You just can’t. You can make them fake their feelings. You can make them lie to you. You can make them act, but you cannot go inside of them and demand that their soul feels a certain way.

But in the end, people value actions not words. This is why leading by example is a crucial part of our society. If your boss is dedicated and shows up on time or early to ensure the job gets done and works just as long as everyone else, they are likely to earn your respect. Where if they show up late daily or always leave before everyone else, they are unlikely to get it.

The same goes with friendships or with any walk of life. You can’t choose who you respect even if you want to. You place it on people as you watch their actions on the regular. Only you can give that gift to someone. And it will likely go to those who earned it and never to anyone who had to demand you give it to them. Think about that as you live your life.

Let’s try to be more responsible who we give our respect to. It’s fragile, after all. And let’s aim to be people who are deserving of respect, ourselves.