Dealing with Death

Death—a topic that truly saddens all of us and deeply frightens the most fearless of souls. We typically prefer to avoid the subject, but whether we like it or not, we will all be faced with it throughout our lives, whether it’s confronting our own mortality or losing someone dear to us. There is no one way to deal with death and grief, but if nothing else, perhaps, we can learn to meditate to come to terms with our fears and thoughts on it and potentially utilize meditation as a tool to speak with those who have passed on from our lives.

For many people I’ve talked with, the first step in finding out more information about the afterlife on a spiritual level came with signing up for the Lifeline program at the Monroe Institute. Lifeline allows for a safe space to investigate the idea of death and our belief systems in a way that feels safe, exciting, and somehow not morbid. Honestly, I can’t recommend it enough because Lifeline really changed me after I signed up for it a few years ago.

But when a sudden death arises in life, no matter how prepared we think we are for it, it can still really take us off guard.

I am brokenhearted to say that I unexpectedly lost my best friend. She was only 34 years old, and it’s left me with a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings. First, I think it’s important to say that when dealing with death, while the stages of grief are very true and relevant, they are not as organized and clear cut as we may expect them to be. When we lose a loved one, while it’s certain that we will experience all of the stages, there is no order in which they come, and usually we’re facing many of them at the same time.

In these trying times, it’s hard to feel any spiritual connection to whatever lies beyond our knowing. It can be the hardest thing in the world to surrender to a meditation session when you find yourself doubting everything you know as you drift hopelessly through those painful stages of grief. And no matter how strong your faith may be, the pain of death tends to leave at least small scratches peeking through the most fearless and faithful of people. So, what can we do for ourselves?

When I found myself reeling at my best friend’s death, I started my healing process with baby steps. The first thing I did was get a journal where I could write her notes. Every time I would think of something I wanted to say to her, I would write it out in this small personal journal. While nothing would ever be the same as calling her on the phone and hearing her voice, somehow getting the thoughts I wanted to say to her out there into existence made me feel comforted. The idea would then be to potentially burn or send off the journal somehow into the heavens in a ceremony to her once the pages are filled.

After opening up the walls I had constructed just a bit, it was easier to start connecting again to my meditation practice, at least in small baby steps. I was able to start meditating, and after reconnecting with myself in mindfulness and in guided meditations, I was able to say what I needed to say to my friend on a deeper level while meditating. And as I began to put my deeper thoughts out into the unknown hoping that somehow she was able to hear them, I would get small subtle nods and feelings that seemed as if, just maybe, she could hear me and fully understand me on a deeper level. So, if you find yourself struggling with the death of someone dear to you, I would definitely recommend trying to get yourself up to at least some small healing meditation exercises. If you find that you’re super closed off, think about starting a journal of notes to your loved one as a way to open yourself up and make you more vulnerable. Try going for mindful walks. And eventually, when you feel you’re able to connect with the world again, a healing meditation may be a great start back into the meditation world until you are able to fully dive back in. When you do dive back in, I encourage you to try and project your thoughts, feelings, and messages out there to your loved one. If nothing else, it’s a nice, healing way to process your own emotions that can help you to move forward throughout a very difficult time.